Implantation failures, Miscarriages and Terminations

If you have been through a cycle of treatment where one or more embryos failed to implant or did so only for a short period of time but then were lost to you, it is important to acknowledge your loss as real. If the embryo/s fertilised and started dividing then they were living and held the essence of yourself and another person within them, as well as your dreams. It is helpful to consciously mourn your loss and release your unborn child or children whether you have suffered implantation failure, miscarriages or a termination and whether you experienced this loss recently or years ago.

One way of facilitating the grieving process is to write a letter to your unborn child, allowing you to tap into your deeper feelings. If you choose a name for your unborn child, address the letter with that name. If not, you may want to address him or her as your “dearly loved child” or in another way that is appropriate for you.

You could explain to your unborn child why his or her life was important to you, how you feel about the loss, and why you are writing the letter. You may want to say why you feel it is necessary to release him or her. Complete the letter with words that help you feel a sense of closure, such as “Goodbye (adding the child’s name if they have one). I will always remember you.” It is important to be patient and nurturing to yourself as you go through this process.

We suggest you ask a counsellor to be present when you go through this process, as you may cry and feel different emotions. Remember that tears can be a way of helping to express and release your sadness.

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