I can't believe I am even thinking about this! I was on this thread 2 years ago after deciding to try for our fourth ivf child. We had one failed fresh transfer and one failed frozen transfer (no frosties left) back in 2008 when I was 38. Apart from a blighted ovum in 2006 when trying for our third child (subsequently born in 2007) - these were are first and only ivf failures - I know - we have been very lucky and are very grateful. Anyway, it took me a while to get over the failed ivf cycles. I had counselling, spent a bit of time trying natural therapies and a lot of time trying to forget the whole thing. And here I am, I turned 40 in January and have friends around me still having babies so I thought, well if they are trying maybe I can try one more time as well! I don't want to get to 42 or 43 and really wish that I had given it one more try. Plus I also only feel now ready to get on the ivf rollercoaster again - I could not have handled it until now. PLus amazingly DH seems to be on board with it. Of course it will be so much harder and my chance of success is quite low now but I still feel I have to try. My fsh is 4 and my AMH is 7 so not as bad as they could be at this age. Do the early successes I had (aged 32, 34, 37) count for anything I wonder??
So just wondering if anyone out there can relate to what I am doing and how your journeys in growing your families with ivf are going!?
How lovely to see you posting again on the site!! I remember you and missed your posts but can't believe it was 2 years ago but my son was very young at the time and has just turned 2 so there you go! I had my very first IVF at 40 after having many losses since the birth opf my twin girls at 37 (not IVF) They gave me the stats blah blah blah and assumed I wouldnt make enough eggs but I did and in fact, I got 22 viable eggs of which 13 fertilised and became excellent quality embryos. My FSH at the time I think was 6. I was on 75mgs of puregon. They couldnt do a fresh transfer because I had overstimulated aso I had an FET the following month with 2 defrosted embies which surivived, and my son was concieved from one born when I was 41 in May 08. In the dec I became pregnant again which was just after you stopped poting but it was a natural pregnancy. Unfortunately my nichal fold at 12 weeks and CVS showed a baby girl with downs and we had to make an awful decision as to what to do but did end up having a termination. It was so heartbreaking and hard but we took a lot of thought on the future, our ages, other chiildren etc. Anyway I decided that I still wanted to try again but not naturally so we had another FET with 2 embies which surivived in Sept 09 and one took straight away again and I am now 38 weeks pregnant with another boy which will complete our family! I am so pleased we wentt for it and i do think if you have that niggling feeling then try if you can. I can honestly say that now, at 43 and with the 4th baby almost here, I am happy to get past that stage and move on to the next stage with no regrets and it feels amazing as I have always felt 'not finished before"
Anyway, would love to hear your progress if you decided to go forth and also so glad you decided to post! Sam XX
Wow Sam - so great to hear from you and to hear your story! I am very sorry to hear about your little girl - a most heartwrenching decision but one I can certainly understand.
And now you almost have your four children - 2 of each! What a great family really - 2 girls close in age (very!) and 2 boys close in age! It is just great to hear someone making a similar decision to the one I am contemplating because you can feel like a bit of a nutter at 40 and with three kids already to be considering a fresh cycle! Have you every had your AMH level tested? I think they like it to be over 10 but I have read of plenty of women over 40 with AMH levels of less than 2 and even less than one getting pregnant.
I don't know if DH is fully over the line with it yet.... we'll see! I have to be on the pill in early July for an August cycle. I do seem to be ovulating from time to time and always try to make the most of those opportunities but no luck so far!
I just think it must mean something that no matter what I have tried over the last 2 years I still want the same thing! And if it doesn't happen then at least I will really know that I well and truly gave it every chance.
I would love to keep in touch on this site - I'll keep you posted as to what we decide and please let me know how you get on with the baby! Are you booked for a c-section?
Thanks so much for replying to my post Sam,
XX Mary
It would be lovely to stay in touch on the site and I would love to hear how things are going. Aug will be here in no time. From what you say it sounds like deep down you really do want to give it your best shot and thats all you can do. I wanted that too and as you say its better to have tried that not to have tried at all. You have such a good history with the IVF so theres no reason that it shouldnt work again in your fasvour. i really hope so so don't give up hope. The positive is that you have done all you can over the last 2 years to improve your mental and physical health which is so great. I remember feeling sooo despondant and downn once i reached 40 and having had yet another loss it was so depressing but looking back I am so glad we persevered and kept our spirits up as it really has paid off!! I was breastfeeding my son when I was looking at getting pregnant again and my fertility dr really didnt want me to breastfeed if I had IVF again but I persisited and in the end she agreed and I fed all through the FET just once or twice a day and it still worked so I do feel dead lucky!
I have never been offered the AMH test. What exactly is it and what should it be?
Right better go and do the school run. I am getting so heavy now its a bit of an effort!!
Mary I started reading your posts right as you went off the last time. I have been in a similar situation ... three ivf boys, twins and a third from a FET and just haven't been able to stop hoping for one more babe. Started an ivf a year and a half ago at 37 and chickened out. Now my DH has lost interest and I am 39. Think it has been on my mind now for so long it is hard to let go. I have thought of you from time to time and wondered if you had moved on with your life as a mom of three kids or whether you were still hoping for a fourth. And here you are. Such a strong desire isn't it? My DH is against now so I am really working on trying to get on with our ife which is going rpetty great! Nice to "meet" you on here.
HI Sam, hi Jenny! Lovely to read your post Jenny - very similar situation to me! How far along did you get in the cycle you 'chickened out' from??! It is hard when DH is not 100% keen - mine is mainly motivated by not living with me for years harboring regrets! Should you get out a bottle of red wine one night and have one more honest conversation about it together before you get any older?! I am 40 and 6 mths! CRAZY WOMAN!!
Anyway, it is finally CRUNCH time today - have to pay $$ and pick up drugs. Basically I have tried and tried to talk myself out of it but I don't think I have been able to! I wish I could tell DH - "don't worry, I'm over it, we don't have to do it" but in all honesty I can't do that because I am pretty sure I would have major regrets. But OMG paying $8000 for a 1 in 6 chance just sounds soooo crazy! And our youngest is 3 now, life is moving on, if we are successful we go from having the perfect size house to having two kids sharing and etc etc the list of practical and logical reasons AGAINST another child go on and on! Anyway sometimes we just have to be brave and take risks and follow our hearts. It is most likely that we will go thru all the angst, pay all the money and simply fail to get pregnant! But at least then I will know that I have done EVERYTHING possible to realise the dream.
Enough rambling, have to get the three kids I have dressed for school! Hope to hear from both of you!
I am so pleased to read that youre going for it!!! A bit step I would imagine especially at the cost however its good to follow your heart. I hope and pray that this cycle will be a good one for you and that youll be announcing your BFP in no time. Harry is 8 weeks now and its going so fast! He has definitely added a lot to the workload especially with a 2 year old as well (plus the twins) but he is so gorgeous I am soo glad we went for it too. I cannot believe the amount of washing a newborn adds to the house!!! Right, will post again but I have to go to bed.
Mary, have you started your protocol? Are you feeling excited? I made it through the lupron last time, was feeling great, and "chickened out" a few days into the Gonal F -- stimulating drugs when I mistakenly told my sister and mother that we were doing IVF again and they thought it was a terrible idea. Honestly I think I could have made it through without confessing to them -- my sis had promised to be on board -- but the drugs made me feel so emotional and both my mom and sis whom I trust and love thought it was too risky to go for another. My twins were born prematurely and even my third was just 6 lbs born at 36 weeks. And I think they weren't so keen on me taking the drugs again. But the longing for a fourth has only grown over time and I do wish I had just stuck to my guns back then when DH was on board and supportive. Again and again I tell myself to be grateful and move on, but of course having imagined a fourth, in a way he will always exist in my mind at least, and of course it is also complicated by the fact that most months I try to time it so that we at least have a shot at natural conception and never ever in ten years have I become pregnant. I would guess you have a better chance than 1 in 6 with IVF, having fallen pregnant three times before and I am rooting for you. I love that Sam's family now feels complete. And I, like you, wish I could stop wanting more and just enjoy all we have. With any luck, someday we will have grandbabies! Keep us posted. GOOD LUCK!
Jenny
jenny its a bit sad to read your story. You really do sound like you have a longing in your heart. Although I have my own mind, my mum can be very influential and I know I would have been in a similar boat had she been opposed to me doing IVF or at least worried whether or not I was doing the right thing. Its such a huge decision and like you say the drugs can make you feel terribly emotional. I can really identify with you saying that you want to enjoy the kids you have too. Its not that we can't or don't appreciate them, but that longing for the 4th hangs in the way and makes you feel unfinished as a family. Its that aspect that family don't really understand I think. Its a case of "just be grateful for what you have" blah blah blah. I so hate that. I have to say the feeling of being finished is quite a relief and i do now feel like I can sell the clothes etc when Harrys outgrown them etc but i will always love pregnancy, birth, newborn and all that I think thats a common feeling. I really really hope you will be able to be at peace with whatever happens whether you go for another round of IVF or not. Just do whatever your heart feels is the right thing to do and you can't go wrong. Good luck, Sam XX
Hi Jenny and Sam,
We'll I've started! Day 3 of gonal f today and my first blood test. A shorter protocol this time and a different drug - mainly because I was a bit late getting back to the clinic with our decision and very nearly missed the cycle all together! I could worry that it is a different drug to the one I have always used but I am choosing not to! I am sure they wouldn't give it to me if it was not effective. Also trying hard not to think about it all too much and just get on with normal life which of course is always busy and distracting.
Sam - lovely to hear that little Harry is doing well - so lovely to have a newborn again hey!! Are his big siblings excited and are the girls helpful?
Jenny - I can really relate to your situation! I had the same frustrations, we used no birth control (obviously) over the last two years (in fact I haven't use any for 12 years) and I always tried to work out when I might be ovulating and of course several times got my hopes up but like you have NEVER fallen pregnant naturally! And you hear of so many stories of infertile couples who do, and you think surely eventually it will happen to me - but no. I hope that by the time this is over and if it doesn't work I'll be nearly 41 and will hopefully stop thinking about the possibility of falling pregnant naturally and start making other life plans - some work, family holidays etc.
I also relate to what you went through with your mother and sister. I am also very close to mine and they have supported me through all my cycles but they don;t know about this one! In fact no-one other than my DH (of course) and one very close friend I who I see every day. It feels like a very personal decision and one I am not sure a lot of people would understand. And I would be sensitive to even one slight eyebrow raise or shake of the head!! If it doesn't work no-one will even know I tried!
Quick question - I have done accupuncture some cycles and not others - some successful ones and some failed ones - I am sure it can be helpful but life is so busy at the moment, it is hard enough to juggle the jabs, the blood tests and the ulstrasounds, I worry that if I tried to do accupuncture as well, the benefits would be outweighed by the stress of keeping the appointments! What do you think? Did you both do anything else to support your cycles?
Anyway, it is great to have a couple of online buddies who understand all these feelings - thanks guys! Jenny I so hope you can find some closure to this issue. I must say, it was such a hard decision to make, one of the hardest in a long time, and the odds are very much against it working, but it really feels like the right decision to have made...
Struggling already! Was feeling fine... had second blood test today and my oestrodial is rising "very slowly' = I guess that means we might not make it to harvest and transfer...??? Plus my luck I need to have an ultrasound Sunday morning 45 min drive away and because it is on a Sunday I need to bring a chaperone and because only DH knows, it has to be him which means brining the three kids with us at 7.30am PLUS the two kids who are sleeping over because it is our friends wedding anniversary and we are doing them a long promised favour! So DH, me and 5 kids in for an ultrasound first thing Sunday morning. If it was just one day later (Monday) it would be a 10 minute drive away and a friend would mind Will for me...
I know I shouldn't let myself feel negative yet but it is a bit hard not to. Kids all tired and cranky tonight so I'm sorry but I am having a glass of wine!
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