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Author Just about to start egg donation journey
Saluki posted on 15 January 2012, 05:43

Hi.
I am sitting here at 5am as I can't sleep following a devastating failed IVF EC yesterday at the Lister in London. Despite having 4 good well developed follicles they didn't manage to collect one single egg. This was our second attempt, the first time they got two eggs, neither of which fertilised.
The doctor yesterday told us that it was pointless carrying on with IVF and that we should consider egg donation. I am 40 with AMH of 3.3 and FSH of 10.
He recommended Shady Grove in the US however looking at the costs there it is well out of our reach. His second choice would be spain although I don't know which clinic.
I would really appreciate any support and advice anyone can give. I've not yet been able to find any info on costs etc on the spanish clinics.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Sam
x

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wivvy40 posted on 15 January 2012, 12:51

HI Sam,

I'm sorry to hear about your failed IVF's. I'm the same age as you and as well as having blocked tubes also have poor levels of AMH and FSH. I didn't even produce any follicles to collect when I tried IVF last year so the Dr also suggested ED. It is a big thing to get your head around and then there is the issue of looking for a clinic (there are a not out there!). I decided on Spain because of convenience. I'll be having (fingers crossed) my ET at Clinica Fertia in Fuengirola,Spain. Before I decided on this clinic I looked and got info from lots of other clinics but that one ticked all the boxes and we can stay at a relatives apartment while we're having the treatment. Have a read on the other threads and see what people say about the other clinics. My IVF clinic in England work closely with the clinic in Alicante, but many people have been to Barcelona, Valencia and Greece.
My experience, so far, at my clinic has been very good. They are efficient and just 'get on with it' which I like. They found me a suitable donor within a couple of weeks.
I've read that with Shady Grove you pay a fixed price and if you don't conceive by the 4th attempt they refund you the money. I know that I couldn't afford to fly there and back every time if it came to that.
Anyway, have a read and let me know how you get on.
Nikki

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pureclass posted on 15 January 2012, 16:22

Hi Sam , I am so sorry to hear about your IVF. I am at the Lister too and maybe starting our 4th and final attempt at IVF shortly.
We have had 3 very frustrating rounds of IVF. The first I ovulated too early, it was turned into ICSI, but BFN. The second round, different drugs to prevent ovulation, only 1 egg ( basically didn't respond) ,ICSI but didn't fertilise. The 3rd round, in December, same as the first - ovulated too early but this time chose not to have ICSI. I just want to get to egg collection and transfer, then I feel that I have given it a really good go. I feel that I have had a definitive answer yet with IVF.
We had a consultation this week and we have decided to try one more time (famous last words ) on completely different drugs.... to see what happens. In my heart of hearts I know that it's unlikely to be a BFP but if I could just get to a collection.....
However, DE is becoming our likely route and we spoke about this at the consultation.
The Lister have recommended a few options, some being in the UK and others abroad. Have you thought about their egg sharing option or Altrui? Both of which you can do through them.
The Spanish clinics tend to be around 7000 but I don't think it includes things like drugs - to be honest I need to do some more research. The other thing that brings the cost down on Shady Grove is doing a 1:3 egg share, but the flights and extras can bump it up.. i am on another thread called "failed before I have even started " - under general forum - if you go to the end of the thread a few women are going through donation, some in spain and others in america and they have been really helpful with the questions i have asked.
I am sorry that I haven't been of any "direct" help with your question, I suppose I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through.
Lxx

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pureclass posted on 15 January 2012, 16:24

Sorry, that should have read " I feel that i haven't had a definitive answer yet with IVF"

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lklondon posted on 16 January 2012, 12:26

Hi Sam

So sorry to hear your news. Its so hard and as we are going through it also, I know how hard it all is...

I also was treated at The Lister and after 2 failed go's we have decided on the DE route. We looked at Shaddy Grove and it really does look like a great clinic and if geography wasnt an issue, we would have gone there. However, we have gone with IVI as recommended by Lister...but we didnt go with Madrid. We've gone with Alicante for a number of reasons, Firstly they dont have a waiting list for donors which was a real plus as I am so so ready to be a mum, Valencia also dont have a waiting list. Secondly, I read really good things about the Alicante and Valencia clinics on various forums and on the ivi forum and finally, Maria (who is our coordinator) is wonderful and responds to my endless questions so quickly. I cant tell you how good they are yet as we are due for ET (hopefully if things go to plan) W/C 06th Feb but so far, I'm really happy with them. The Lister however wont do yr monitering if you go with any other ivi other than Madrid - I was really annoyed by this, as James (our consultant) told us the Lister work with ivi, so of course we assumed it was all ivi clinics, but when I emailed the ED team to arrange our scans, they told us they wanted to charge us 2500 to satilite with Alicante and charge us for all the scans on top! The woman from the ED team was a right snotty cow actually and it really altered my opinion of the Lister!! Anyway, The Bridge are doing our monitering and scans for 900 and they have been great so far, so I would recommend the 2 (alicante & the bridge)...the bridge is actually better for me travel wise as I work close by and they are open at 8am so I'm having my scans before work!..
In terms of costs, ivi offer a 20% reduction for international patients...or they were when we signed up. So the total cost is 7k euros plus the drugs for yrself and the donor, plus we had to pay for blood tests, so I think the final total is around 9k euros (ish)

I hope this info helps. If you have any questions to help with yr decision making process, pls do shout!

Good luck
x

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Saluki posted on 16 January 2012, 15:11

That is very helpful, thank you everyone who h as responded.
My consultant is also James at the Lister so I will make sure I understand exactly what they will offer. How often do you have to have scans? I live 40 miles outside London so did my scans etc with a satellite of the Lister in Slough. I don't think I could cope with having to go into London too frequently.

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lklondon posted on 16 January 2012, 15:47

Hi Sam,

I need to have 3 scans for my ED and they are roughly 10 days apart..the bridge are handling all liason with the clinic so I just turn up and they do the rest.
If you do go with ivi madrid, its worth checking with them what their waiting list is beforehand as not all ivi's are the same and there is nothing worse than having to wait once you have made that decision.. Its also worth checking with the Lister what the costs will be to moniter you...there are places in central london that will do scans for around 100. but then you have to handle all the liason..

I'm annoyed that the Lister wouldnt moniter us with Alicante, its the same clinic afteral - not sure what the difference is??? and they have had enough blummin cash out of us for our failed IVF's and like I said it has tarnished my view of them!...shame, as I love James!!

When do you go back for your follow up?
xxx

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Saluki posted on 16 January 2012, 16:18

I'm back to see James tomorrow morning at 8.30am, then to see a counsellor about ED counselling at 3pm.
I want to start asap as well, no point waiting as I can really hear my clock ticking and I have wasted far too much time on the NHS and just hoping to conceive naturally.

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salsa22 posted on 16 January 2012, 17:59

hi saluki

i havent been on this site for ages ,but was just reading your story and had to reply..i had the same awfull experience in april last year..i went to ec and no eggs were retrived..at the time they told me at clinic to maybe consider de..the next month i went for a laparoscopy and it found severe endo..it was removed ,andwe went for a second ivf in sept..i dident respond well to drugs ,but they got 2 eggs ..but it was bfn..we took some time out ,i started accupuncture few months ago..and im starting clomid tommorrow..gonna try it for few months and then see what we do next..we may try a 3rd ivf before moving on to de..my ovarys are damaged from endo so ed could be an option,sorry for the long winded story!...i just know how it feels to have no eggs at er..i wish you all the very best of luck on your journeyx salsa22

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Saluki posted on 18 January 2012, 10:20

Hi Salsa
I have had everything you are about to do but I had htem first before trying IVF. laparoscopy and dye was all clear and clomid just produced cysts.
Apparently my egg quality is too poor to make it worth trying again with my own.
My appointment with James yesterday was great but the appointment with the counsellor really put doubts in my mind about ED. I am really confused about whether you should tell a child/grandparents. It seems far more difficult than I initially thought. I'd be really interested in others thoughts about this. My initial thought was I'd want it kept secret for ever, but it worries me that I may have to lie quite a lot in the future which would be a constant stress.
S
x

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pureclass posted on 18 January 2012, 16:04

Hi Sam,
Sorry to hear that the appt with the counsellor did not go as well as you hoped. As you may remember DE is realistically our only chance of having a child, so it has been a constant source of debate/thought/anxiety in my head for the last 2 months really. i go to sleep thinking about it and i wake up with it on my mind....and we haven't even made our first appt yet.
Here are my thoughts. Please remember though that these are written with the luxury that I am not in the situation yet and I reserve the right to change my mind !

I am constantly changing my mind about who to tell, not to tell, tell everyone, tell no one. To be able to give the child lots of info or no info, to choose an anonymous donor or not. So I have tried to source as much information as possible that will enable us to give a considered decision: books, u tube clips, internet but ultimately it is your decision as to what to do. Which if you are like me, doesn't really help.

One book I read, which to be honest wasn't that great as it centred more on sperm donation and I wanted to know more about DE, actually came up with a line that will help me....and that was .... there is a difference between something that is private and something that is a secret....and its ok to have either. Just don't confuse the 2. I felt and probably still feel that keeping our journey of IVF and ED just between my husband and I means that i am keeping secrets from people. But actually i am not, it's just a private matter. Have you considered just telling the child and no one else and let things come from the child as and when? My husband feels that this is the way he might like us to go, that the child governs who they tell and then if we are "confronted" with it, we would say that it was a private family matter that we felt was up to the child to share if they so wished. ( My best friend is adopted, I know that because I heard it in the playground when we were 6 from some other children, I asked my mum, she confirmed it, but my best friend has never told me outright, because for him it is not an issue. He has a mum and dad and thats that )

I tend to agree with your initial thought that if you decided not to tell the child then it is something that may always be on your shoulders. Also, if it is really something you would never want to get out then matching blood types (you and the donor) may also be something you may want to look into.

Everyone you ask will have a different opinion on whether to tell or not to tell, and ultimately it is what is best for you and what you think is best from for the child. For what it is worth, and as I said before, right at this moment, if we are lucky to have a child then we would tell them when they are young. The information would then be something they would grow up with. Don't get me wrong, I am not even pregnant yet and my tummy already turns thinking about that day.. but I would want them to know. Especially, because one day, when my husband and I go on an extended holiday to the clouds, I don't want them to find out when we are not around, that they had been a "gift"

xxxx

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