Hi All,
I thought I would start a thread on the dreaded PND. I had my lovely DD on October12th after our first attempt at IVF (I know how lucky I am!), and although I adore her, I suffered with quite bad PND. The one thing that upset me the most was that I felt guilty, surely I should be exstatic. I have now been taking anti depressants for 7 weeks and feel sooooo much better.
The reason I have started this thread is to try and help others who are struggling. Sometimes its good to talk to someone who has been through it.
Jo xxx

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Hiya jo, I would just like to say well done you for starting this thread. A lot of people would be too scared to. I remember my midwife telling me at my first appointment that the most cases of pnd are from mothers who went through ivf! I'm happy to hear that your feeling much better :-)

The one thing I'm dreading is having pnd after having my little one. I'm under so much stress at the moment. I know this is not good for my baby but the company I'm working for is on the brink of going bump :-( I have felt quite down at times during my pregnancy already so I'm hoping this isn't a sign that I will feel depressed after having the baby. As strange as this might sound I felt depressed cus I felt guilty that I was lucky enough to be successful first time yet other people aren't so lucky! Was yours the same guilt feeling?
XxX

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Hi Emma,
Our stories are very similar. I had a stressful pregnancy due to my job being at risk. Also YES that is the exact same feeling of guilt, but this got worse once I'd had my DD and the PND kicked in. I was beating myself up mentally for being so down when I was so lucky. The one thing that I was grateful for was my PND didn't interfere with my bond with Maisy and she is a very happy baby.
When is your LO due? Please try not to worry about getting PND as it might not happen, but if it does familiarise yourself with the symptoms and seek help.
I will keep checking this thread regularly, so always feel free to chat anytime.
Jo xxx

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Hey jo, that's such fab news that it didn't affect your bond with Maisy. I'm due the 13th of April, Friday the 13th aswell!

It's refreshing to hear that you have come out of this the other side. My do's sister had pnd after having her son, she conceived naturally. I felt so helpless for her but just reassured her I would always be there for a chat whenever she needed me. It's nice to know you have support out there so thank you for branching out. I'm just hoping there isn't anyone suffering in silence.

Well hopefully I should know by the end of today what's happening with the company I work for. Fingers crossed it's good news XxX

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Hi Jo and Emma,
Funny that you've started this thread as I was going to start a similar one. Mine isn't PND but I have had pre/ante-natal depression (AND) for some time. I wanted to share my experiences with ladies on here as well.

My story: ICSI 1=DD (now 3), ICSI 2=BFN, ICSI 3=BFP (early m/c), ICSI 4=36 week pg singleton (initially began as a twin). The whole IVF/ICSI thing is just part of my trip to depression. Dad had aneurysm Feb 10th 2011, then came decision after decision about him and planned IVF etc etc. We're a very small family me, mum, dad, sister (mum and sister are quite delicate to say the least with sister also being as slack as they come). All very traumatic but I made the decision to have ICSI 4 because I didn't want there to be too much of an age gap between DD and sibling. DH is also a recovering alcoholic (6yr sobre on my EDD). I felt the guilt, the strain the stress of having a child and work and family issues. Sister and her kids were then thrown out of their home by her partner without a penny to scratch their arses.

At first I ignored all the symptoms etc (which to say I teach psychology is pretty silly). It was when I was emailing a friend and posting on here that I realised that I was indeed being silly. The NHS is there for a reason so I decided to take advantage of it. I went to doctors and as soon as I walked in I ended up in a quivering heap of blubbering jelly, (a bit like free willy but hitting the surgery floor). He signed me off for 3 weeks I was then put on counselling list and sent to see specialist at the antenatal day unit. They all mentioned 2 options 1) counselling and 2) antidepressants. The problem with counselling is that the waiting lists are massive, however, because of other issues like dad etc I was rushed through and have been seeing the surgery's counsellor and have also seen the midwife counsellor (she's a bit wet though so I gave up on her).

It has been traumatic and the counselling has opened up all sorts of feelings I didn't know I was suppressing but I am definitely glad I faced my demons, it has meant that I have been able to cope with the grief and guilt and the terrible feeling of being buried alive. I'm hoping to avoid PND if possible, I think for me the birth of DS will be like a rebirth for me and my whole family. I've even chosen the name Merlin because I just know it will be a magical time. However, if PND is diagnosed and I am advised to try anitdepressants then I will not hesitate in taking them, I am now all for getting myself together.

One strange thing, I had the worst morning sickness until the doctor signed me off work then it stopped and I have only had it once since and that was when I woke up after dreaming that my dad had died. Think that was all to do with stress.

Much love ladies,
Afena xxx

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Hi afena, vie followed your posts on the tww board so know your history :-) I've sort of become a board stalker, ha.
I think your totally right about the sickness and stress being related.

This is the strangest thing but I had terrible morning sickness from about 6 weeks. It was constant nausea 24/7 and sickness on mornings every day. We went on holiday and for the whole week I didn't have any sickness! Strange, but the morning we got up to fly home it kicked straight back in. When I was 12 weeks preg I couldn't keep anything down, not even a drop of water, after 2 trips to the docs to be told I wasn't dehydrated enough I gave up and took myself to hospital to be told by the nurse I was severly dehydrated! (I hadn't kept any food or fluids down for 4 days!) I was given anti-sickness tablets which worked a treat. But now with all the stress of work and the thought of losing my job the sickness is back with vengeance :-( I dread going to work to face customers that are just vile and talk to me like I'm thick when I'm on the verge of losing my job, you would think they would be a bit more sympathetic.
Ive actually had a few customers say to me "well its ok for you cus you were going to leave for your maternity anyway and if you don't find another job just have another baby!" after the 3rd time I just smiled and politely replied "without a job I can't afford another £3000 for ivf thank you" nedless to say I went straight out into the stockroom and burst out crying after she had scurried off. I said to Dp it's not so much the losing my job part that's stressing me out, it's knowing how vile someone can be to you when your on the verge of losing your job and having to stand there and smile and apologise to them cus they can't get a refund for their £10 top or use their poxy £20 gift card!!!! Ahhhhh it just makes me so angry!! I do feel sorry for them but I can only do the job I am told to do. In case you were wondering I work for peacocks. We are now under the administrators so we have to do what they say now not honour the policies that used to be in place.

Rant over, I do apologise.

Hope your ok jo. Do you still have good days and bad days?

Afena hope your ok too. Listen to me droning on after all that you have been through! Your one tough cookie so let's hope you can pass some of your strength on to others on this forum.

Suppose I best go and pick ds up from school. Chat soon XxX

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