I am currently going through the adoption process and would love to hear from anyone else in the same situation.
I have had 3 attempts at IVF and found this site was a source of strength and comfort in the low days when I just needed to chat to someone who knew what I was going through.
So now we have decided to try a different route and decided adoption was the right path for us. We have had a visit from the social worker last November and just waiting for a place on a preparation course. It all seems to take so long but I know we will get there in the end. In the meantime we are reading up loads on adoption and it would be really great to chat to people in the same situation
I am really interested in Fostering/adoption. We had our one and only cyle of IVF/ICSI in May this year, resulting in a BFP, although one embie was ectopic and the other misscarried. It was horrendous, and I really couldn't go through it again, so like you, we are hoping to adopt. I just attended an open morning, introduction meeting this week, and was really encouraged by it. They said to fill the form in and then a social worker will visit within 2 weeks. So I thought we would give our house a big spring clean and then fill in the form!! We are thinking of fostering for a year or so and then apply to adopt. I just want to see how we get on with that first.
Where abouts do you live? Are you hoping to adopt a baby or an older child?
I would love to hear how you are getting on, and follow your progress.
After 3 failed inseminations and then 3 failed ivf cycles, we were told that my eggs were no good and my only chance of having a baby would be to use donor eggs or adopt. We decided to try donor eggs - the whole process was about $25,000 and had our 4th ivf attempt. It also failed. We were exhausted, broke, and heartbroken. At age 38,we decided to look into foster/adoption which is certainly the cheapest route. We had to fill out a ton of paperwork and take 40 hours of classwork(i really wasn't as bad as it sounds - just time consuming) to get our license. We got our license at the end of June, which also happened to be the same day I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant naturally! Is that crazy or what? Now, at age 39, I am now 14 weeks pregnant. We would definitely like to continue our plans of fostering/adopting but right now I am just trying to get through the morning, noon, and night sickness which should have stopped by now!! Sometimes when you set your sights on a different route, a surprise curveball gets thrown your way so DON'T GIVE UP and I hope your fostering/adoption plans go smoothly for you both. You deserve it. I now realize there are sooooo many children out there waiting for parents to love them. Please keep us all updated on your progress!
Hi Ladies - can i join in here. Tinymouse i totally relate to what you are saying. We completed our one NHS ICSI cycle in June last year with a BPN and then this year our frozen baby didn't survive the thaw. After much thought like you we just can't bare to go through the emotional rollercoaster again so we have decided to start the adoption process which i am really excited about. We are about to go away but will be contacting the agnecy when we get back. It would be great to hear from you all about the ups and downs of the process as i know it can take ages. Can i ask you all did you go through your local county council or private agencies???
Tinymouse - I live in Worthing in West Sussex. We are hoping to adopt a baby and when we spoke to social services I explained that we would be happy to take a child up to school age as we knew it was difficult to adopt babies and they told me if we really wanted a baby thats what they would put us down for and although it would take longer there are babies out there needing adopting so that is the plan. I think this is also why it is taking so long to get anywhere but having spoken to ss they say that once we have done the preparation course the ball really starts rolling. Where are you from? We did think about fostering first too but not sure how we would cope if we had to give the child back, esp if we knew that they were not going back to a happy life. I do admire you for doing it and wish you all the best. Keep me posted on how it is going.
Shelley - CONGRATULATIONS. You must be so over the moon. I would be realy interested to hear your story as we were told our only option was donor eggs and I had a friend all lined up to donote and then she had adhesions on her insides and was advised not to. After all the emotion of the IVF's we decided not to go down the donor route after all but sometimes I do wonder if it was the right decision and I also cant seem to wonder if maybe one day it will happen naturally even with "bad eggs".
Ellen - Good luck with your application - we have gone through our social services . The downsides so far are: The social worker who did my initial visit didn't really give us any information and even asked us if we would know which end to put a nappy on a baby!!!! It is taking forever to get anywhere - our visit from social worker was November and now we are still waiting for a course before things start moving. Social services also want me to get a job in a nursery to get experience of children - even though I have nieces and nephews coming out of my ears and lots of friemds with babies - I also love my job and do not want to give it up..I hope I have got round this by doing the odd day with a friend of mine who is a nanny but time will tell if ss are happy with this. So far no upsides but I do know that at the end of this we will be parents and a child will have been given a much better life. There is also a lot of reading suggested which is ok for me but trying to my husband to read is an uphill struggle.
Looking forward to going on this journey together.
The 3 times we went through ivf with icsi because of my age, they felt we would have a better chance with icsi. The first 2 days always looked great but by day 3 the quality was rated B or C on a few and the rest were no good. I remember asking the embie doc "doesn't anyone ever get grade A?" and she said "yes, just about everybody" I was shocked. The doctor said that my eggs looked like someone in their late 40's NOT their mid to late 30's. He tried stiming me different ways to improve quality, but nothing worked. In hind sight, I wish we wouldn't have went the donor route. It was a big waste of money and no guarantee. I wish we would have put the money into adopting a baby. The easiest, cheapest way to adopt here in the states is to foster and then adopt. 80% of foster children are not returned to their parents. Unfortunately it is a waiting game, you may get a baby, but may have to wait a year for the adoption to go through. If you are willing to accept an older child, there is no wait and many have already had parental rights terminated. Getting a healthy white baby here in the states takes quite a bit of money and can take several years. Surragacy is also an option but again, it costs at least $20,000. My husband and I would definitely like to try the foster/adopt route, but right not, I am trying to adjust to the shock of this pregnancy. All of my family is extremely shocked because we have a 12(rett syndrome) and an 8 year old and no one really knew that we were struggling with fertility the past 7 years. They all want to know if we planned this one and we have to laugh. If they only knew what we went through to have another baby!!! My biggest worry now is that the baby will be healthy after being told that my eggs were not good!! I guess there was one good egg hiding in there somewhere, so Georgie don't ever give up on that possibility.
Hello Ladies....I would love to join you......I started on the IVF board......WOW almost 2 years ago.....however the power of prayer was a wonderful thing and we (against Dr. advise) went through IVF with only 3 eggs=2 embs=1 beautiful Baby Boy.....however 9 months later I find myself yearning for another child......So me being the optimistic I am, decided to have my husband checked again to see if for some unknow reason his VAS reversal may have worked after all.....We found out Monday that even after 2 years it still wasn't working......I went through the whole poor me, why me, I can't believe God can let this happen again routine for one whole day......Then by Tuesday I accepted the fact that this is how it was and unless we try IVF again then our only other option is to adopt.....I got on the phone and set up our orientation for Fostering and got the times for the Mapp class.....(a class you have to have in the states to foster or adopt)........Since we have two boys I will be applying to Foster only a little girl....or maybe two.......Ok if it were up to me I could care for enough to have my own cheer squad......anyway......I am now ( not so patiently) awaiting our orientation and trying to get our home ready for the inspection......there is alot involved...alot of rules and back ground checks, and classes, and guidelines but we have to remember it is for the Safety of these sweet Angels that they do this......I wish you all the best of luck and Shelly I have always heard that when you are sick that long it just means the Baby will be even healthier because they are taking all of what you have to make them strong......Congrats on the BFP and Please keep in touch......My Husband swears as soon as we adopt or start to foster then We will get pregnant....:)....also I have done alot of reading and it seems that when you Foster to Adopt or Adopt from a foster home then there is no cost to you as a parent...where as going through an agency can cost just as much or more that IVF......so Please take your time and check around in your City to see what is best and don't let anyone take advantage of your Kind broken hearts.....Although we have the Children's best interest at heart some people out there may not...
Good luck with your fostering classes. I actually enjoyed going and it was kind of a date night once a week for me and my hubby. We were required to take a 40 hour class here in Illinois and lots of homework. ugh!! But you are right, they want the best people out there who are serious about parenting. In my state we work chose to work through DCFS. They do pay a stipend for children in the system, even after you adopt them. There is also a number of scholarships available to any of our state colleges just for children who were in foster care!! Best of luck on getting some sweet little girls out there. What state are you in?? Also thanks for your kind words. Others have also told me that a sick mommy = a healthy baby!! I will keep praying. I am now in week 16!!
Thought I would update you....we have finally had the date for our preparation course...January so not too long to wait. It is a 4 day course and the 1st day is exploring out feelings baout infertility!!!! Well I can tell you I am dreading that day. I am thinking about having counselling between now and then just to make sure as I still get very weepy around pg women and it has been nearly 2 years since we gave up on having our own baby. I just dont want to delay the adoption by being told I am not ready so maybe by going to counselling I will get any negativity out of the way and be raring to go. The problem is I am not really a "counselling" person but I guess if it works it will be worth it. I will keep you all posted.
I hope everyone is ok and Shelley - I hope the pregnancy is going well and you are enjoying every moment of it!
Thanks for the well wishes. I am now 23 weeks and 1 day! I am loving every minute of it! I have to admit though, sometimes I still wake up and cannot believe I am actually pregnant! I really had accepted the fact that I would never get pregnant with my own eggs so it really is mind boggling! I thank God everyday for this gift. Next week is my big 4-0, so I am also feeling very old, but I know chasing after this little one will help keep me in shape!
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